When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Im part way to drunk.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
