I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
