I bet he comes in French.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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