i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
