We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
