Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
