just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize