The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
you will always have a special place in my vag
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
