Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
