I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Dignity is for republicans.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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