I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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