Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
