I bet he comes in French.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
i think im in europe. pls send help
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
