guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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