He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
