Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
