I could have mohawked her pubes.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
