I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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