We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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