we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
