Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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