she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
