her vagina looked like bernie madoff
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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