Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
