Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
