last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
