ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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