White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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