a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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