i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
