Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
