1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
