I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize