If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
