He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
