it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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