I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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