She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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