I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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