dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
