yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize