??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
