I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
