Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
