So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize