somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
