Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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