I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
