Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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