I think my vagina is haunted
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
