I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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