When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
