With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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