Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
