the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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