So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
