trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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