dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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