i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
