Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
