Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
