This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
