I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
