By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
