I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
