I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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