Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize