Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
