One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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