I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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