He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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